Fighting Your Body

Very recently I got diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). It wasn’t too much of a shock though. I mean not having a period for 7 months was a big give away. I’ve gone through a lot when it concerns accepting my body and learning to listen to what it wants. Loving my body in itself was a trial. Learning that I had PCOS definitively from my Doctor was something that frustrated the life out of me. I found myself asking, “why me?” “Why does it feel like my own body is against me?” It hurt especially because, I thought I was finally at a very good place with my body.

Now for the first time in my life, I experienced the 5 stages of grief (well more like 4). It was weird and strange because although I had mourned people before, I’d never gone through the 5 stages. I kinda had it in the back of my mind that it was just something that all the tv shows did.

My 4 stages went kinda like this:

 

Denial

The first time I went to my doctor and I heard that I may have PCOS, the first thing I thought to do was reject it. After a while though, to anyone that I’d talked to and even to me, it seemed I had accepted it. I acted like it was no big deal for months. This was my way of denying it. To me it really didn’t exist, it wasn’t something I should stress about and so I didn’t. To me, it was as insignificant as a common cold. I believe this was why it took me so long to come to terms with it. I’m so good at pretending, I actually believed I was accepting it. At the end of the day though, I couldn’t pretend forever.

I wasted a whole month on denial. Once I got over it, the other three went by in a flash.

Body shaming is NEVER a good call

Hey y’all! Now I did have something else planned for today’s post but I hopped on Instagram this morning and saw something that basically broke my heart. We are in a very good place with body positivity these days. I’m not saying we’re at the end goal yet (which is basically to me everybody no matter their size or shape or whatever being able to go out in like a thong without having to feel like their less than because they don’t fit the societal mold) but we’re getting there. Slowly, but surely. There are body positivists everywhere, on every social platform, you just have to look for them and surround yourself with their love. I open my Instagram and unlike before I feel safe and at home. I see envious curves, bendy ballerinas, soft beautiful bellies, androgynous beauties, sculptured blessings, unbridled lovers. I see variety, I see representation, I see hope. My Instagram has done a complete 180 and gone from content I would kill myself to achieve to content I appreciate, I’m grateful for and instead of hurting me, my Instagram inspires me. Albeit, sometimes life just gets too much and I put off all my social media till I feel strong enough to face it again.