Very recently I got diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). It wasn’t too much of a shock though. I mean not having a period for 7 months was a big give away. I’ve gone through a lot when it concerns accepting my body and learning to listen to what it wants. Loving my body in itself was a trial. Learning that I had PCOS definitively from my Doctor was something that frustrated the life out of me. I found myself asking, “why me?” “Why does it feel like my own body is against me?” It hurt especially because, I thought I was finally at a very good place with my body.
Now for the first time in my life, I experienced the 5 stages of grief (well more like 4). It was weird and strange because although I had mourned people before, I’d never gone through the 5 stages. I kinda had it in the back of my mind that it was just something that all the tv shows did.
My 4 stages went kinda like this:
Denial
The first time I went to my doctor and I heard that I may have PCOS, the first thing I thought to do was reject it. After a while though, to anyone that I’d talked to and even to me, it seemed I had accepted it. I acted like it was no big deal for months. This was my way of denying it. To me it really didn’t exist, it wasn’t something I should stress about and so I didn’t. To me, it was as insignificant as a common cold. I believe this was why it took me so long to come to terms with it. I’m so good at pretending, I actually believed I was accepting it. At the end of the day though, I couldn’t pretend forever.
I wasted a whole month on denial. Once I got over it, the other three went by in a flash.