You Are Already the You, You Want to Be

Hey guys! I am back from my one-month hiatus and trust me I’ve missed this so much! I couldn’t completely stay away though so I have a bunch of posts piled up in my drafts. I can’t wait to start editing and get into all the stuff I’ve been sitting on for weeks, a lot can change in one month. Now, this cute little intro was fun and all but back to the topic at hand. Happy reading folks.

“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.” -Robert Morley.

Around this time last year, I wanted desperately to be a writer. To write about things around me, about me, things that haunted me, things that excited me, things that helped me escape from reality. I wanted to write it all. I wanted the title, ‘writer.’ It didn’t matter that I had written and completed 3 novels already, or that I was really good at editing/proofreading my friends’ papers, or that I had written numerous short stories or that I finally got into the professional writing program in uni. It didn’t matter, it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

There is always this nagging voice in our heads that tells us, you’ll be better if you are this or that, or if you have more of this or if you have that person and, that’s awesome! It’s what allows us to evolve; the need to grow, the need to unpause, the need to live. It becomes a problem though when we begin to quantify our lives and our self-worth based on it. For instance, “I’ll be a better person when I’m skinnier (or curvier or thicker or have a flat stomach)”. “I’ll be a better wife/husband/sister/brother/friend, I’ll be a better me if I have this person in my life,” “if I get that job,” “if I have more followers or likes on social media,” and so on. Continue reading


Closer to the Sky

Today at 8AM I got dressed and went out for a walk. It wasn’t planned and I had no real reason to do so except that I felt compelled to do it. Taking random walks infrequently isn’t new to me but for some reason today felt different.




It was beautiful. The trees, the flowers, the quiet. Not the deafening kind, the beautiful kind, the forgiving kind. Birds and crickets chirped, the wind howled. The tranquility of it all was pretty euphoric.

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There are many definitions for repression and my trusty pal, Google defines repression as “the restraint, prevention, or inhibition of a feeling, quality, etc.,” and this is the definition we’re going to be using.

Repression is an art form that I have mastered perfectly and I am desperately trying to unlearn. It is kind of the next step after avoiding your feelings, trying to pretend they’re not there. There are many reasons people repress their feelings. Sometimes feelings are too heavy and dealing with it all at once seems suffocating.  Sometimes you’d rather not feel at all, rather stay numb. Sometimes you know your feelings can hurt someone you love and keeping them to yourself seems like the best way to handle things. Sometimes you’re ashamed of your feelings so you hide them, pretend they’re not there so you don’t get judged or worse, realize that you are judging yourself 10 times more. Sometimes you know that the person you desperately want to share your feelings with wouldn’t understand them and so you never show it or speak about it. Sometimes you’re too afraid to reach out to someone because you don’t want your feelings to be trivialized.

It is because of these reasons and more that feelings are repressed. Although these reasons are understandable and very human, they are also very unhealthy. Repressing your feelings whether it is for your own sake or for the sake of another, is basically the creation of a ticking time bomb. Feelings are meant to be expressed, they are meant to be dealt with, putting it aside till a later date rarely ever works. Feelings build up and form things that are literally the stuff of nightmares. Repression is not the answer.

I know this is going to sound cliche as hell but honesty really is the best policy. It’s going to be difficult and it’s going to take a lot of effort on your part but being honest with others and most importantly yourself can really save you a lot of unnecessary drama and problems. It can also be the cause of a lot of problems, but that’s the point! You’re going to have it hard anyways so instead of prolonging your torture and potentially making it worse, rip the band aid right off and face your feelings head on. It’s harder than it sounds, I know, but trust me, you can do it! Xx




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“Fake It Til You Make It”?

It’s been a while but, hey guys! “Fake it til you make it.” Have you heard this phrase before? Well I have, countless times on so many different platforms it almost seems like the universal answer for everything. The most asked question that receives this answer is, “how do I gain confidence?” Along with that major question stems others such as “how do I get more comfortable in my own skin?” “how do I start to feel beautiful?” “how do I become good at public speaking?” and other questions that relate to a lack of self-confidence. Let me give you an example of how this works in a Q&A format:

Q: You’re always trying new things and aren’t afraid to be yourself, how do I start to feel beautiful too?

A*: Fake it til you make it that’s my motto. I wasn’t always like this but this is what I did, I would look at myself in the mirror every day and tell myself that I was beautiful even if I didn’t believe it and then one day I noticed I really, truly believed I was beautiful.

*Okay, maybe not as corny as this but this is a very similar sample to such a reply.

Now I’ve heard this answer given to many different people including myself and I am sick of it!

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Where do you find your home?

Home means different things to different people. Some people think of home and see a  house. A building with walls and windows and rooms. A building that holds memories be it good or not so good. The wall that bears your children’s height as they grew from toddlers to teenagers, the room you wept in when you lost your first love, the wine stain on the carpet from that party you had years ago that just wouldn’t wash out no matter how hard you scrub, the scent of freshly brewed coffee that you love and has become a part of what gives your house character. All these memories are important but it’s not exactly what I’m talking about today.

Other people see a home as the people they surround themselves with. The people they trust and who care for them. Family, friends, lovers. Also likely to be a representation of home for some is their faith, what they believe in and what they model their lives towards. Both are very significant, but I’m not talking about that either. I’m not talking about anything else but you.

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